I go to Brazil tomorrow. I'm looking forward. We're going to go crazy with the digital photos. Be sure to install your pornograph so you can view my website when I get back.

I realized the different between my journal and the ones I like reading is that mine isn't personal at all. I just ramble about shit but I rarely ever talk about the shit that's bothering me. I'm always too afraid someone I know, specifically my parents, will read my journal and then found out shit about me that I don't want them to know. But fucking nobody reads this shit. The only people who do are people I keep in touch with almost exclusively online; I don't mind them knowing personal shit about me. So from now on, I'm going to try and open up a little more.

Kristen broke up with me a couple of days before New Year's Eve, just when I was really starting to miss her a lot. I've cried three times in the past year; one of the three was at the end of Lost in Translation and two were at the cause of Kristen. It seemed like all she wanted was for me to admit that she's such a horrible person when all I wanted to do was tell her how much I loved her and how happy she made me. I say that at the risk of sounding like Elvira Weishaupt. I want to stay friends but it's going to painful for a while.

I get depressed sometimes, even though I'm on antidepressants, and I just can't bring myself to do simple shit that I need to do. Shit like walking across campus to get some asshole's signature so I can take some other asshole's stupid course that I have or want to take; that's not a real example, but it's a good one. Some days I can't even get out of bed. I got a C in Music theory because my attendance was seventy-five percent; how do I explain that to a professor, especially one whose father just died?

I hate being depressed but I also love it in a perverse way. I'm more creative when I'm depressed; I work better at night, too, and if I'm going to be depressed it's usually at night. I'm working on a mix right now that reminds me of the Fall. The most recent fall. When I met Kristen. This is a mix to remind of Kristen. I think perhaps I'm trying to compile a bunch of songs that make me want to cry.

Quote of the Day: Everybody's got something to hide, except for me and my monkey.

-the Feelies, "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey" (from Crazy Rhythms, 1980)

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